My brother and I took DNA tests in 2014, and my genealogy expert explained that the name “John W. Arick” on my profile almost certainly meant that the man I thought was my grandfather, was not. Indeed, my grandmother Frances had gotten pregnant outside her marriage, for reasons that went to her grave with her.

I found my Auntie M on the internet, and sent her an introductory e-mail. She strenuously denied that her father could be my grandfather, and said she would get back to me to prove the DNA test was wrong. I haven’t heard from her since. I later found out John may have had some indication from Frances that her son was his, because a book about our family included Auntie M. and her grandfather, but omitted John’s name.

I also found two new cousins, one of whom was looking for his father, Uncle T (on my father’s side). When he finally reached his bio-dad, Uncle T. completely denied his fatherhood, despite DNA evidence. I suspect this was also a rehearsed denial, because it was so immediate, so fierce, and so final.

I understand that people in their late 70s or late 60s may not welcome such news. They have arranged their lives in a certain way and they just want to continue to believe in their illusions. So don’t be surprised if it happens to you.